4. THE TELEVISION AUDIENCE WOULD GO BANANAS


The number one argument made against Australia by twits like Sepp Blatter is that a World Cup couldn't work here because of the time difference.

The argument goes that while us Aussies and Kiwis will all happily wake up in droves to watch World Cups, Premier League, Champions League and NWSL bleary-eyed each weekend, Europeans are a sensitive lot that desparately require their eight-hours of beauty sleep.

Well, how about the 3.7 billion unique viewers that tuned into the Sydney Olympics on TV huh, Sepp? That's a record by the way.

Just like the 15 million tourists that make the 20-hour plane trip to Australia and New Zealand each year, it turns out that if you have a product this good, people can't resist. And our product is really good, Sepp.

Hell, even if we have a rubbish product, like Neighbours, foreign audiences still lap it up.

What these boardroom executives forget is that ever since the days of Crocodile Dundee and Skippy the Kangaroo, the wider world has had a unique fascination with exotic Australia.

Turns out that anything we do, whether it's world-class sporting events or rampant climate change denial, the rest of the world can't help but pay attention.

And we're sure they'd be equally interested in New Zealand if they knew it existed, which the World Cup is sure to shine some light on.

So FIFA, here's a lesson for you: France may have been a ripping success, but just like a French Kiss, everything is better Down Under.