2. BRAZIL IS OVERRATED

Okay, we won't actually start slinging excrement at our opposing southern bidders, we're far too civilised for that in the land of bloomin' onions. But let's take a look at who the competition is:

  • Brazil
  • Argentina
  • Colombia
  • South Africa

We will make one subtle point: of these four bidders for the WWC, only Colombia are yet to host the men's World Cup.

So not only do FIFA have the chance (read: obligation) to take the WWC to a hemisphere it's never been to, it also has the opportunity to take it somewhere that's never experienced the incredible thrill of hosting a World Cup before.

Not that we're any novices at the whole hosting biz, we've had our fair share of shindigs before...but we'll get to that later.

What's more important are the facts here. South Africa and Brazil have hosted the men's version in the past decade, which makes them incredibly uninspiring selections and reduces the amount of fans that will be willing to travel, given a significant proportion would have already visited in 2010 and 2014.

Meanwhile, Argentina held the event in 1978 and together with the Colombians, will host Copa America in 2020. All this means a whole lot of football going down for our opposing bidders while Asia and Oceania is left firmly in the cold.

Not to mention, this would be the first ever jointly held WWC. The history writes itself.

But there is one more factor to consider.

Australia are ranked eighth in the world, having just spanked our next best opponent Brazil (11th) at the 2019 World Cup, not to mention shellacking them 6-0 not long ago.

On the other hand, Colombia (25th), despite having 10 times the population, are even behind New Zealand (23rd). Don't even get us started about Argentina, who we trounced at the Cup of Nations, back in 35th position.

One of the world's best football nations can't even crack the top 32 in the women's game and you're considering giving them hosting rights over the eighth best team in the world?

Don't make us laugh in our onions.