Having attended my first ever Grand Final press conference today, what struck me most, is how calm Melbourne Victory coach Dave Edmondson and marquee player, Jess Fishlock were.

I definitely wasn’t calm. Not about the press conference or about the Grand Final.

Maybe I was a bit of an eager beaver, but I had to be there a little tad early.

I figured I didn’t want to miss out on a seat and have to stand at the back. I don’t even know how long these things go for, so how long would I have to stand? Are my shoes ok for standing a long time? Should be ok, but maybe I should have brought a portable chair.

As luck would have it, I was the first one to arrive.

I timed everything perfectly and Julian, FFV’s Media Manager (we’re on a first name basis) said I could follow him in. Great.

So instead of waiting until I get inside the Media room, I can ask questions straight away. But all I can think of is how tanned Jess Fishlock is.

How come I live in Australia all my life and my complexion is not white, but pale white … and then there’s Jess, who comes for a wee visit and she’s golden brown.

I’m mindful enough to not ask that question. That would be silly.

I should just give her a mars bar and a red bull to make friends instead, but all I have are some throat lozenges in my bag and again I restrain myself from this weird offering.

Honestly, if people knew what went on in my head, they would wonder about the effects of veganism in a whole new way.

So we ... yep I’m hanging with Jess now. (Ok hanging behind, but you weren’t there and this is my story, so I’ll say hanging with).

So I’m hanging with Jess, and we’re wandering through the underground warren of AAMI Park. People look fit around here. I need to get fit.

Probably won’t happen overnight. Fitness needs to be a longer term commitment. Keep walking through the warren.

Mind wandering.

Ah the media room. I grab a spot right at the front and centre. Best to be seen and heard. That was about all I knew how to do. From hereon I’m at a loss.

Are they going to bring out tea and cake and make it all civilised? Good thing the ‘guys’ turn up before I ask about this. I know the ‘guys’ from the W-League matches.

We don’t so much hang out.

I figure if I wear the same hat week after week they will recognise me, but I haven’t got the hat on today and they still know me. Winner.

Anyway, the ‘guys’ were lovely and helpful. Where do I put the mic? Can I put it on the table? Yep that’s ok.

Do I have to raise my hand to ask a question? No, it’s a free for all. Just ask away.

I did ponder for a moment asking someone else to ask my questions for me. That way I could relax and just absorb the atmosphere of hanging out with my new friends.

It was not to be. The conference started before I had offloaded my questions to anyone so I shuffled my paper from side to side. Yes, I printed them incase technology failed me.

I work in IT. I know this happens more than you would like to believe.

Teo Pellizzeri from @VWLRadio is sitting right beside me and opened up the questions. A booming, calm radio voice. Clear with a great question.

Damn him, this isn’t helping me relax at all. Why did I sit next to him? Actually, I think he sat next to me.

I think to myself that perhaps I should nudge him just a little to bring down his game. But I’m not competitive like that … and Teo is such a nice guy and great ambassador for Women’s football that I would probably be ostracised for such an indiscretion.

Probably get myself a red card right away and be banned from the Grand Final all together.

Ok, new strategy. Wait for a gap and just ask one of my own amazing questions.

That’s not working either.

These guys must have some iPhone app that tells them exactly when to ask their question because I can’t get a word in and I don’t have an iPhone. See what I’m saying? Direct correlation!

Aside from Jess Fishlock, I am the only female in the room. It strikes me as strange given that this is a press conference for the W-League Grand Final, but I decide to use it to my advantage.

I’ll just send vibes to my friend Jess (we’re on a first name basis) that I need to ask a question and she will point at me and say in her wonderful Welsh accent, “Hey Cheryl, what’s that you wanted to ask? Great question”.

You’re not buying it huh! No it didn’t work, Yes I did try it.

More questions from everyone. Now I’m going to look like a dud because I can’t even prepare a question. Almost all of my topics have already been covered.

They’re about to wrap up but before I let them pack away the furniture and head off for the tea and cake we didn’t get, I take a couple of deep breaths and I ask the last question of the day:

“Lakeside is a great ground but it could be a bit wet or heavy given the rain we’ve had recently. Do you think that will favour Brisbane or Victory?”

They laughed. Both Dave and Jess. Hang head. Stupid question. Pack up and go home. And then I hear Dave answer.

“To be honest we were talking about this earlier and whether it’s where we come from or not, this is perfect football weather.”

“I heard loads of talk at the weekend about how the weather has really affected the semi finals. No one is wearing inch long studs to play on these pitches.”

“Lakeside is a fantastic pitch. I asked for the pitch to be watered following the youth league game before we played. A little bit of rain, which is what we’ve had to be honest, this is a shower. This will make the pitch perfect.”

“It won’t be heavy and the ball will move quickly, which is what we want, and I’m sure what Brisbane want as well. I think the last thing we need to be concerned about is a bit of rain and heavy pitches.”

Wow, these press conferences are great fun.

When is the next one? I’ll bring vegan cake.